We get your forwarded letters too!

Please don't pass this onto your friends.

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer.  One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. 
There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. 
An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.



"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."



"No, I can't accept payment for what I did", the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. 
At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel. 
"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes," the farmer replied proudly.



"I'll make you a deal.  Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. 
If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." 
And that he did.  Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.



Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia. 
What saved his life this time?  Penicillin.  The name of the nobleman? 
Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name?  Sir Winston Churchill.



I won't bore you with promises of happiness if you forward this to your friends. In fact, please don't!

Best Chain Letter?

This letter was forwarded to me, claiming to be the best ever chain
letter.  You judge.

Hello, my name is Dan and I suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50
billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send
them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will
be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell
her to a traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to
whom you send this email, $1000?  How stupid are we?

"Ooh, look here!  If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll
get laid by a model I just happen to run into the next day!"  Whoopee! 
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me
in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by Peter in 5 AD
and brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower.  Forget
them.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from
some omniscient being" letters about 90 times.  I don't bloody care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing
to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity. 
The point being, if you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you
luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.  If it's funny, send it
on.  Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in
Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the ass of a dead elephant for
twenty seven years and whose only salvation is the five cents per letter he'll
receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know.  Otherwise, tomorrow morning your
underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

P.S. Send me $100 for making you laugh!

The problem with "illegals"

Is it any wonder there's a demand for foreign workers in the US? $7 an hour
is not a living wage, so naturally the American labor force doesn't race to take
those jobs. Packing house wages haven't increased in twenty years, mostly as a
direct result of illegal immigration and south-of-the-border recruiting efforts,
and partly because we've started moving American companies to cheaper labor --
and right out of the jurisdiction of fair labor standards and market value in
this country. American workers cannot compete on this playing field without
sending Mom to work, thereby dominishing family values and the family unit
itself!

How're we doing?

Have you seen the national debt lately?  Do you see a trend? GW may well
out spend Reagan & Bush 43 combined.  It took them 12 years to raise
the debt from 1 to 4 trillion, and GW will raise it by 3 trillion in one term!
Under Clinton, the fiscal deficit was reduced to zero and the national debt
nearly stopped increasing altogether by the end of 2000. GW says he can cut the
fiscal deficit by half in five years, and you know what? I don't believe him.

Reality Bit Me

Whoa, stop with all the so-called reality TV. There's nothing genuine about it; it's meant to pull in ad dollars at the expense of (and perpetuates) the lowest common denominator.

But I like "The Apprentice". No apologies. It inspires me and makes me think. About something
worthwhile, for a change. Donald Trump has churned the imagination of many would-be
entrepreneurs and this show puts on display the unusual personalities you see in business -- the same devious people we
might really have to deal with in such an arena.

UPDATE -- Who the hell does Trump's hair!?

Bush on Illegals

It isn't fine with me that we're telling foreign nationals to ignore the legal standards for immigrating to the US, and 'W' didn't ask me
about it. I fully recognize that we're a country built on immigration, but there's some paper work we ask people to fill out at the door. If you don't like the process, then let's work to change it, but don't reduce the standards
based on unacceptable behavior and make breaking the law acceptable.  War exists where there are no effective laws; chaos reigns where there is no order; and Americans lose their jobs where illegal immigration is permitted!

Grip this, Tom Ridge

I read a poster once that said essentially we learn most of everything we
need to know while in kindergarten.  Much of it important even as
adults.  It's still a good idea to hold hands while crossing the street;
not stealing and generally obeying the rules.  I'm more than a little
concerned that our society has forgotten the most fundamental of these rules.

Dennis Miller may have said it best, and I'm
paraphrasing, "We encourage immigrants to come to the US.  Just sign
the guest book on your way in".  He's exactly right, in a euphemistic
sort of way.

I really want to know who thinks we shouldn't have immigration
standards in this country, then enforce them.  Not liking laws has never
been a good reason to break them.  I know I'm not alone in thinking there's
a much closer relationship to 9-11 with border security than with Saddam's
Iraq.  So where is there wiggle room?  Obey the laws.  If you
disagree with the laws, lobby to have them changed, but you have to obey the
laws or you're punished -- not rewarded.

No, Mr. Ridge, the country does not
need to "come to grips" with 12 million illegal immigrants and
"determine how you can legalize their presence."  You got that
wrong!  Immigrating to the United States without signing the guest book is
illegal and must not be rewarded.

Outlook Express and attachments

When you want to allow any kind of attachment to get through, you may have to chenge a setting manually. Click TOOLS, OPTIONS, then the SECURITY tab. Uncheck the box that says "Do not allow attachments to be saved or opened that could potentially be a virus". Now all attachments will be available. Use this etting only if you understand the risks of opening certain kinds of attachments in your email.

Personal Firewalls

Zone Alarm from Zone Labs is one of the most popular personal firewalls we've seen -- and you can get it for free. If you're already using Symantec's Norton Antivirus and it's bundled with Internet security, we think that's as much as you can do to protect yourself. Be sure to read all the literature so you have a good basic understanding of how to set it up for your situation.

Used car shopping

Most people buy a used car at some point in their lives,
but how many do a little investigation before buying?  You should know what
you're buying before laying down the cash -- or worse yet, financing.  Many
dealers will now show you a CarFax data sheet.  They punch in the Vehicle
Identification Number (or VIN) and the computer spits out all it knows about
that particular car.  A VIN is unique to each car and can tell a lot about
the car, including make, model, body style, manufacturing plant, etc.  Try
this out.  Go to your car and carefully write down your VIN, then enter it
in one of the boxes below.  You may be surprised at what you can learn.

AnalogX Vin Decoder

VIN:  

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CarFax Vin Decoder

VIN:  

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AutoCheck Vin Decoder

VIN:  

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Model years 1981 and later have 17-digit vehicle
identification numbers (VIN).  Anyone can decode them with a few basics.

Digit	Meaning
1	Country 1-4=USA, 2=Canada, 3=Mexico, J=Japan, K=Korea, S=Great Britain, W=Germany, Z=Italy
2	Manufacturer A=Audi or Jaguar, B=BMW, 4=Buick, 6=Cadillac, 1=Chevrolet, C=Chrysler, B=Dodge, F=Ford, 7=GM Canada, G=General Motors, H=Honda, L=Lincoln, D=Mercedes Benz, M=Mercury, N=Nissan, 3=Oldsmobile, 2 or 5=Pontiac, P=Plymouth, 8=Saturn, T=Toyota, V=VW or Volvo
3	Vehicle type or division
4	Body style, engine type, model, series, etc.
5
6
7
8
9	Check digit This number is used to ensure the accuracy of the whole VIN
10	Model year V=1997, W=1998, X=1999, Y=2000, 1=2001, 2=2002, 3=2003, 4=2004
11	Manufacturer's Assembly Plant
12	Serial number A sequentially assigned number as each car rolls of the assembly line.
13
14
15
16
17

How to catch a bird: Get it drunk!

According to the Reuters news agency, police in Dortmund, Germany say a Crow attacked a woman and young girl over the weekend, but the bird managed to evade their efforts -- that is until they laced some cat food with high-alcohol fruit schnapps. The bird could not resist. A police department spokesman said the crow was completely smashed when they caught up with it, and is now sleeping off its hangover in a local animal home.